Why Family Is Our Support System #Thoughtsoutloud
One day, recently, my birthday actually, I said many ugly words to my parents. Blamed them for not being good enough parents. For marrying too young and not being conscious about child upbringing. Told them they are selfish and stingy, not wishing to share. And many other things. And I am thirty-eight. In age where people are parents themselves.
Meeting with my girl friends recently, I heard one phrase my friend say: «I just realized that all my life I was revenging my mom». I said I did same, but more to my dad. And the other friend said she’s still doing it to her mom. We hated on them for different reasons. I didn’t get enough attention and care as a child, so I thought they aren’t good enough parents and, therefore, I don’t owe them anything. That they don’t even deserve to be grandparents. Nonsense, I know! Everybody is worthy of happiness. My friend tried to prove her mom her whole life that she’s worthy. Another friend fails in life intentionally, telling her mom «see, you told me I’m a loser, here you got the result».
The day we fought or rather I spilled all my anger and resentment unto my parents, we all couldn’t sleep well. And the next day I swear both of my parents looked a decade aged. That was so abrupt and vivid. I felt bad.
We talked and resolved the issue. I said I’m sorry. They did too. And they are getting back to their normal selves now. But seeing my parents age in one night just because I spilled my poison on them, made me aware that I have no right to hold any grudges against them. I have no right to make them feel bad about themselves as parents. That the best thing I can do — is love and accept them, forgive them, for we all make mistakes and learn along the way.
It breaks my heart to see gray hair on my parents’ heads. Sometimes we’re too selfish in wanting things our way. Ignorant to other person’s position and viewpoint. Me, especially.
Family is our main support system. I would say, main and only. I realized it very clearly this winter in US. No country makes you feel so lonely as America. That’s why I think it’s so about family values, hugs and holidays. Cause if you have no family there — you’ll dry out quickly.
I’d seen people coping with loneliness different ways. Some smoke reefers, listen to music, some drink. I binged there. Ate lots of sugary stuff. Hersheys, Reezes, milkshakes, chocolate chip cookies, cheesecakes, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate… I’d eat them as comfort foods, even this brief time I spent in Christmas. Then I thought, I wouldn’t be able to survive in America without a family. Family is essential. I wouldn’t be able to function properly — follow my regimen, eat healthy, workout and etc. without a support system. You just feel lonely there and that loneliness becomes more acute, canceling all your goals, ambitions and dreams. Therefore, I feel sad and sorry for making my parents upset. For making their hair gray. Sometimes, we don’t need to take those old wounds out and show them to people who did their best in their time. Maybe, just forgive them, accept them and tell them «I love you. You are the best».
