Peppy the Long Stocking

Diaries of a Beautiful Woman: Life Lessons

I found my second alter ego. The first one, if you remember, is Ciccole. Cichole Nikoletta (I don’t know the spelling honestly, all I know it’s Italian and it has something to do with chico-chiquita and stuff like that).

Well, my second me, or me today is — Peppy the Long Stocking. My favorite childhood character. That was an old book my dad read in his childhood. So, Peppy is a weird girl that comes into an ordinary life of two twins — Tommy and Annika and she just turns everything upside down. She herself is an entire adventure. What’s profound about her is that she does everything her way.

This is what I like about her most. She cares not for what society thinks, she has her way of doing things and, thus, living a life. She’s a weirdo in a good sense. This character is very vivid and helpful to me in this period of time. When life seems dull and meaningless. Lately I’ve been falling into negative thoughts a lot, telling myself ‘who are you deceiving? face the truth, you’re not fifteen, you’re aging, you’ve got nothing to own or cherish, your dreams are futile, and there are no perspectives in your life, other than die, you can’t even find a good job, frankly’.

Yes, this kind of thoughts. That all these ideas, affirmations, dreams I have in my mind is just an illusion and blah-blah. That’s what my friend thinks, when we met recently. She said she’s sad cause she’s aging and there are less options of men for her on the dating market. She said statistically and realistically women lose their attractiveness and chances with every year. Whereas I said, yes, possibly 98–99% cases, but there is a minority 1–2% that proves the opposite. Women of value are like fine art — their value grows with time, and that there are plenty men like Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg that opt for women of value and don’t chase young attractive chicks. That even Monica Bellucci is dating a cooler man — Tim Burton, who’s works are grand than her previous husband or boyfriends. She couldn’t beat that argument, but I realize that for most people statistics and reality is the only optometry they chose to see the world through.

For me to look through the same lenses as most people do is a premature death. No point of living then at all, just go finish yourself and you’re done. If there is no hope, no place for my dreams, no place for miracles and adventures in my life, then what to live for? Just wait till I age and die?! No, thanks.

Here’s where Peppy kicks in! The good side of being low is that you get extra strength and incentive to fly higher, to excel. Sinking in thoughts of how miserable my life at my thirty-seven is, I said to myself, outloud: ‘hey, if your life is that miserable and there is no hope at all, isn’t it liberating you to go all in?! You’ve got nothing to loose, frankly! There is no fucking stability for you, there is no high paying secure job waiting for you to retire. There is no husband and family and bank loans that keep your butt stuck to one place. There is none of that. You’re free. You’re fucking free! Realize it.’

And when you’ve got nothing to lose. When realist and pessimist or general, let’s say, view of life tells me there is no future for folks like me. If that mindset tells me I lost all of my chances, that I’ll never be young and beautiful, never get a chance to find a decent man, earn a lot… If the maximum it can give me is desperation and tears of regret for the time wasted… then, to hell with that all.

It serves me not!

That stupid, negative mindset, the thing people call harsh reality of life, stats or whatever, that fucking lens that fits every eye, I don’t want that. It gives me nothing. It makes me even more miserable.

Then, I think ‘what the hell! I’ll do the opposite. I want to believe in my crazy ideas, I want to believe I’m fifteen again and I’m reliving my youth with a new mindset, that I am going to be rich, that with every year I’ll have more and better men to choose from, that I’ll be happily married and have kids, that I am talented and by sharing it with the world I’ll reap the benefit.

No matter what, the more this gray reality wants to bend me, the more I want to be Peppy. The more I want to be bold in my dreams, in my visions, in my work ethics. The more I wanna choose me and my agenda, my interests and my priorities.

I’ve done all the previous. I lived like other people do. I did the corporate job. I sacrificed my interests, my health, private life. I did follow the common path. And… ended up wasting this time. No employer, no job is worth your precious energy, your interests, your priorities, your dreams and goals. They’ll substitute you in a second. Same goes with other things where you give and receive none.

Therefore, let’s be selfish, in a good way. Let’s love God in us. Let’s love our talents and energy. Let’s choose me, myself and I. My vision, my reality, my interests, my goals, my dreams, my rules. And let others see what they want to see. Let’s be Peppies. Weirdos doing it their way, creating their own reality.

Luv you.