Ideal Here and Now #Q-Lifestyle (22)

How much did you try to start ‘a new life’ from Monday, first day of the month, tomorrow, new year?

I tried and failed a lot. None of that worked. There’s a tipsy illusion that ‘tomorrow I’ll start clean and ideal’, ‘tomorrow is a new day and I’ll be mega productive’.

I remember I used to indulge in the misery of now for the sweet illusion of tomorrow. People with addictions might relate. You destroy yourself fierce fully today to rise up from ashes tomorrow. There’s that sweetness of a blank slate, ‘an ideal’ new life that will be tomorrow.

No, babe. There’s no ‘ideal’ tomorrow. There’s no tomorrow for many of us.

Is it the expectation set too high that we fail to attain? If I didn’t do A, B, C as I planned for today then I’m going ruin everything. I need my ideal A, B, C and if it didn’t happen today, I’ll try make it tomorrow. Just B or just BC don’t count. It gotta be all three in a row, in particular sequence. All or nothing maxima that’s been killing me all my life.

The truth of life is — IT’S NEVER IDEAL. NOTHING IS IDEAL. THANK GOD, NOTHING IS IDEAL.

Ideal is fake. Nonexistent. Real life, real people, real things, anything alive cannot be ideal always, not even for a day. Even the cutiest of all puppies, the most beautiful models or celebrities in the world, the royals, the billionaires — ALL OF THEM FUCK UP. From time to time. All of them shit. All of them age. All of them die. No-one is ideal. Even nature itself is not ideal. Though it’s alive and beautiful.

Tomorrow doesn’t exist. The only space we operate and are able to make changes in is NOW. HERE & NOW. It’s ok to fuck up. It’s ok to miss out on something. It’s ok to be out of your plan, for life has its own ways. If 50% of what you intended to do happens in a day, that’s success already. If 0% happens fine too, as long as everyone’s alive, safe and sound.

I’m writing this as a self-reminder. For I often treat myself as a rough guy training his dog. One small mistake and he beats her violently. (God, what a horrible example!).

I wish to change my paradigm into thinking — there is no tomorrow. If you wish to do something, to be someone, it’s only here and now. There’s no Monday, first day of the year or month, no new life, no clear sheet of paper. Imagine you die today, this night and who you die tonight is going to be the ultimate you.

Let’s ask ourselves this questions: «How’d I act right now and what choice I’d make if I were the ‘ideal’ me here and now? If I were enough. More than enough. Whole and complete. The best version of myself.